Hello Parents/Guardians,
We suffered a great loss this past weekend. As we grieve the loss of two of our students, we begin a process that will take some time. The purpose of sending this special letter to you is to share some helpful information that you may use tomorrow or whenever there is a loss.
When I think about talking with children about death I want to take into consideration what developmental age the child is functioning at. Here is a guide to children's understanding of death.
Typically, don’t give children more information than they are asking about. Keep it simple and honest. If there are things that you don’t know the answer to, tell them that and if it’s something that can be answered, tell them that you’ll try to find out but that’s a good question.
Sometimes relating death to the natural world is helpful. Talk about the seasons of the year and how the snowman melts at the end of the winter puts realistic images into children’s minds. The snowman melts into the water that helps the spring flowers bloom. We are all part of nature. Every living thing dies sometime. Some things have longer life spans than other living things. Dogs and cats live shorter lives. Normally people live until their bodies wear out. That’s a long time. But sometimes (and not very often) accidents happen or something very unexpected happens that ends the living years of people and they die. No one knows why some things happen to some people and not to others. We do know how to try to live healthy lives by being good to our bodies. We try to do what we know is healthy. We take care of you by….or that’s why we…..
Reassurance is very important and you may need to repeat things over and over for a while until your child moves past the anxiety. It’s “normal” and natural for some children to be a bit more clingy when they are thinking about what death means to them personally. Tell them they are safe with you and if they ask about how they are safe or start to ask the “what if” questions, reassure them by answering their questions in practical, simple ways. Follow their lead. Remind them that feelings change too.
If you notice changes in sleeping, eating or behavior, or if you have concerns about how your child is processing the information they have learned about, please don’t hesitate to reach out to their teacher. There is good information about loss at Hospice websites as well. The most important thing you can do is listen and let your child know that it’s okay to feel sad sometimes. We all need time to understand our feelings.